she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
