What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
