this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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