Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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