I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
