***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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