I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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