The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
