Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
