ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
