I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
