my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
