seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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