Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The air was thick with penises
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
