i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
