Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
