I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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