Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just gift wrapped bread.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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