When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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