Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize