Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
