I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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