For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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