I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
