Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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