i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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