I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
