i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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