Swine flu. Run for my life!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
