I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
