I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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