a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
