Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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