sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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