Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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