Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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