You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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