Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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