An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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