its not stalking. its research.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
