I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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