I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
