So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Go fuck yourself