ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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