he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
