i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
