Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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