my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Randomize
