I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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