We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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