it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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