im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
