Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
