ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
