Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize