hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
