I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
