True but thats because hes a fetus.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
