obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
