How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
