you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
