I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
