White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
