maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
