Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
