I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
kristin has been a bad kristin
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
