i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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