We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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