I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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