I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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